Thursday, May 16, 2013

Happy Mother's Day!

This past Sunday, I woke up to a sweet girl bringing me a card.  I started to open it and she said, "me do it mommy!"  With that, she began to open it.  John let her pick this gift....
She pulled out a Chili's giftcard that had crayons attached to it.  She wanted the crayons!  She then handed me a starbucks giftcard.  She said, "me like starbucks!"  We went to the kitchen where I found starbucks coffee (her starbucks hot chocolate) and a blueberry muffin propped up against colorful flowers.  John said she insisted on the muffin.  She proceeded to eat over half of the muffin that she gave me!  He also said that she had picked out a hydrangea at the store, but when she saw the flowers she came home with she basically dropped everything she had in her hand.  She had found the perfect flowers for mommy.  Oh I love this kid!!!  She is a girl after my own heart!  
This day, along with the rest of my week last week made me realize how blessed I am to be Olivia's mom.   Adoption is such a gift!  It was and is our path to a family.  This is a tough journey.  I think Easton's journey is proving to be as equally difficult as Olivia's journey.  I will say that having Olivia home helps with this adoption, but the massive amount of unknowns are about to kill this mama!  I am a roller coaster of emotions.  I may come off as blah or down often, but I challenge you to walk this path.  It is not for the faint of heart!  I have really tried to keep a smile and happy attitude, but I have my struggles.  I realize at the end of the day that I am a mama just like everyone else, but I also know that I am in a season when everyone around me is giving birth to a child.  I am incredibly happy for each and every blessing that has joined us or will join us in the last year, but I find myself looking at them and feeling envious.  Envious that they are holding their precious bundle of joy.  Envious that they get to take every step with their child.  I truly love each and every baby and celebrate with these mama's, but at the same time, I am reminded that my kiddo who I saw when he was barely 5 mos. old turned 20 mos. old two days ago.  I cannot wait to have him in my arms.  I pray that the day is soon.  I don't feel that I am complaining or whining.  I am truly doing the best I can.  Thank goodness that I have my blog to turn to.  :)  Sometimes, this road is very lonely, but I look at Olivia's face or Easton's picture and know why we are adopting again.  Truthfully, even with all the unknowns,  I would do this all over again in a heartbeat!  My children are my joy!  Olivia has made me be able to get up and do life during this wait.  I do grieve the time I lost with Olivia and am currently losing with Easton, but I try (try being the optimal word) to move forward and enjoy every second that I have/will have with my kids.  I am hopeful that next mother's day, I will have my two sweet babies in my arms.  And who knows....maybe waiting on a 3rd???  Time will tell.