Saturday, January 25, 2014

Staying close to home

I initially thought since he is the second child that we would hit the ground running, but as his grieving has been coming out, it is clear to me that being close to the house is what is in order for him.  We have a lot of crying, screaming and kicking around here.  No, it isn't me either!  He is sad and mad.  His pre flight plan stated for us to give him whatever he wants as quickly as he asks.  That will keep him from getting upset.  Um, well, duh!  Who would get upset if they got everything the minute they asked for it?!?  Well, that isn't how we run our house.  He has his comfort items and is loved and cared for when grieving, but I don't give him what he wants the second he demands it.  He has learned already that when he is going to have a screaming/kicking fit to lay back easily on the ground and then start his fit so he doesn't bang his head.  Um.....that's just him being plain mad that I didn't meet his wishes when he initially asked.  He just had a huge 30 screaming fit at the top of his lungs because I wouldn't let him throw the puzzle pieces at me.  He finally realized that I wasn't going to give into his fit and stopped and started babbling. 

It isn't all bad, but I want to be sure that I stay real because I clearly have blocked this time with Olivia.  I remember the long days and grieving, but not just plain anger.  Every adoption is different, but I tend to question the people who say everything is just great all the time.  It can't be great!  He has lost everything.  E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.  His clothes, shoes, food, smells, omma, appa, home, and everything that has ever been familiar to him.  It is heart breaking to watch and there is really not much I can do for him. 
I feel like people that don't get adoption think that we are bringing home these 2 1/2 year olds (some older and some younger) and they simply fall into place.  Um, no.  We don't have weeks of a baby sleeping most of the day.  He is simply a mobile infant at this point.  He doesn't understand, listen, or care what we are saying.  He is mad, alone and sad.  He wants it his way instantly.  My maternity leave is basically a time where he is getting to know us and getting adapted with himself here in his new surroundings.  I think some people think the plane lands, we get over jet lag and I hang out at home eating bon bons while he happily plays.  ;)  Nope, the sad truth is that he will be really getting adapted better right when it is time for me to return to work. 

He is having some happy moments.  Today has been  better until about 5:00 p.m.  We have seen more smiles.  He can say "more" in sign language and is starting to recognize us when asked to point to a person.  He can point to his nose most of the time when asked to find it.  He has started eating.  He has eaten chicken, spaghetti, banana bread, yogurt, raisins, peanut butter crackers and goldfish.

  Happiest in the mornings!  (Thursday)  Oscar loves food time with this kid!  Easton thinks it hilarious to feed him. 

Their first time to play together!! (Tuesday)
 He loves to read books!  (Wednesday night before bed)

 John's dad came over to meet him Thursday.  He was unable to get to the airport.  They had fun playing 'cups.'

He really wants Olivia to play with him.  If he comes near her she goes the other way.  It breaks my heart for her to hurt.  She has done some surprising things the last few days and I know it is out of jealousy or anger.  I will be really glad when this phase passes for her.  I thought we were getting better, but she has been really off tonight.  Hopefully tomorrow will bring smiles and fun times here at our house.  This part is definitely exhausting.   

1 comment:

  1. Hang in there Laura and thanks so much for sharing his experience with us it helps to know what to expect with kids this age. And boo to people who think adopting is easier. I once had a friend who was complaining about being pregnant and said they should've adopted because it's so much easier. Needless to say I don't make much effort to stay friends with her!